Something new……

So as an actor, we all know its not the most reliable job to choose, but you love it, you’re good at it (apparently) so you do it. However when you’re at college dreaming of your 1st Olivier you are totally unaware of the inbetween bits…. the bits where you can’t get a job, sometimes not even get in the door! These are the bits where you spend days watching Dance moms convincing yourself if you were American you could have definitely been Maddie Ziegler *most definitely cannot do a non handed forwards walk over… had i been American, maybe i would! 

These are the bits that can be very testing, depressing even, staring at your laptop trying to think of ways in which you can enhance your career…. i need a showreel, i need to do a course at the actors centre, i need new head shots, i need botox, i need to lose 3.5 stone!!!! All the things! Also checking Spotlight, The Stage, Dancers Pro and any other place you can think of probably isn’t gonna land you the latest role in the new Netflix drama. Likewise checking Twitter and Instagram (soz faceyB) to see how many followers you have and if that 1 particular casting director has followed you back or liked your latest tweet probably isn’t gonna land you a stand out role in that new musical, all you will see however is all the people in the land posting about their perfect lives doing their perfect jobs (that you didn’t get!) *they prob aren’t feeling perfect, we all know social media is the devil!  However it can be easier to see that/ feel that rather, if you’re already feeling low.

Anyway this isn’t a self help blog… Good god! I wouldn’t know where to start! Gin? Its just a little something i thought i would write to get my feelings of my “Inbetween life” out. *and give my boyfriend a rest from all the moping around like Bridget Jones or Sadness from “Inside out”

I finished tour in June, had a fabulous time, was ready to get back to London and onto the next thing! I think you get to a certain age, when you’ve done a few jobs, good jobs, and you hope it will somehow become a bit easier, that you know your worth, you know your talent and trust in it, but i’ve found since finishing that tour its been quite the opposite. I know i’m not the only one feeling this at the moment, maybe its our age group *when i think about it, its actually not an age group thing but for the first time in a long time alot of my friends, very talented friends who are very experienced are struggling to find a job. There seems to be a shift in our business of show at the minute, i don’t know what it is but something is different.

With this comes the need to find something, anything to do to live! We’ve all done the promo jobs which are fine and can be great money, but with alot of self employed jobs all you ever seem to be doing is waiting, waiting for money! The money you work hard for, the money you get up at 6am for, the money that is basically loose change to these massive companies but for some reason they can’t seem to pay on time!!! Don’t get me wrong this isn’t everyone, before you start! But i’ve found, again maybe with age, that i don’t just want to do something to give me money, i need to do something i actually like, something that when i’m not doing what i love, i don’t have to do something that make’s me want to cry every time i have to go, something that doesn’t make me want to pull off my own self grown arm and beat someone with it!!!! This is the struggle!!! And the struggle is real!